It is difficult to get our sons to recognize and avoid the influence of a toxic masculine culture. That’s because it’s so prevalent, often unrecognized, and takes different forms and definitions in different cultures and settings, says Dr. Ulric Vu, director of child and adolescent psychiatry. He is the director of child and adolescent psychiatry education and training at Hackensack University Medical Center.
“No matter how toxic masculinity is defined, at its core it is a false sense of strength, stereotypical and anti-feminine beliefs, and uncontrollable or narcissistic power.” says the doctor. “Fundamentally, toxic masculinity often glorifies aggression, violence, pathological, and sometimes antisocial behavior.”
Dr. Vue continues: “Most importantly, this attitude undermines our ability to truly empathize and understand how our actions hurt and impact others. This often leads to true friendships. It leads to the challenge of nurturing, resolving conflicts, and building and maintaining the relationships that are essential to a fulfilling and rewarding life.”
Modeling healthy behaviors at home
Helping your son avoid toxic male attitudes and behaviors starts at home, says Dr. Vue, by modeling the behaviors parents want to encourage in their children.
- Partners or spouses should share household chores equally, and children should also share household chores equally.
- Avoid leaving only your daughter to do household chores like laundry and cleaning, and your son to mow the lawn and take out the garbage.
Avoid leading your son to male interests
Dr. Vue recommends that parents not steer or pressure their sons into stereotypical male hobbies, interests, or career paths. “Part of our role as parents is to help young men recognize their special talents and passions, to support them, and to strive to develop strong self-esteem and confidence,” he says. says.
For example, if your son likes art or wants to work in nursing instead of being a firefighter, you should say, “No matter what his male friends say at school, he’s not unmanly, and he doesn’t want to be labeled as such.” Tell your son that he has no friends to stick to.” People and judges may not realize that they are promoting toxic male attitudes,” says Dr. Vue.
Consider your son’s media habits
Previously, parents knew with whom their son was playing and who his friends were. But in today’s technologically-enabled world, we also need to be aware of the social and digital impact we have on our sons beyond our communities.
“I believe that the major contributors and proponents of toxic masculinity are role models in social media, music, and pop culture. They are often seen as necessary for commercial success. It’s driven by representation in film, television, and music,” says Dr. Vue.
While it is difficult or impossible to remain sensitive to the online influences that today’s youth have access to, he recommends that parents strive to understand the following:
- What kind of music do their sons listen to?
- movies and TV shows they watch
- Personalities and lifestyles of the musicians, actors, and social media influencers you follow
Talk to your sons about the behaviors that are shown and perhaps glorified in the songs they listen to and the movies and TV shows they watch. These may include degrading, brutality, intimidation and violence towards women and others. Be prepared to share examples to counter what they see and hear, and be ready to challenge their ideas of what it means to be a “real man.” Dr. Vieux says.
If the movies your son watches glorify men who do cruel things to those around them in order to get ahead, then your son’s favorite neighbor, a social worker, helps people change and improve their lives. , point out that they are successful without abusing people. Also, emphasize that movies are often fiction and such behavior would not be accepted or rewarded in the real world.
“Emphasize that being kind and giving is a sign of strength and character.” says Dr. Vieux. “Focusing on building character essentially counteracts anxiety, which is the root of many of the pathological behaviors we see.”
Fortunately, the tide is turning in many ways, and thoughtful and empathetic men are being celebrated in the media, in the workplace, and in the community.
Next steps and resources:
The materials provided through HealthU are intended for general information only and are not intended to substitute for medical advice. Please be sure to consult your doctor for individual care.
