As we begin 2024, we are committed to going the extra mile in the new year. In addition to losing weight (again), going back to the gym, and cutting back on spending, why not resolve to improve your relationship with your grown children?
Here are 10 tips to get you started.
- respect privacy. No matter how interested you are in your daughter’s or son’s personal life, don’t ask too many questions. They will tell you what they want you to know, when they want you to know it.
- Dream your dreams. What you want for your child may not be what he or she wants for themselves. Have your dreams and respect theirs.
- Release control. Don’t try to solve their problems. Let them understand their own mistakes. Independence breeds confidence. Be proud of their accomplishments, big and small, and tell them often.
- Please give me some leeway. While raising your child, you did the best you could at the time. There are no perfect parents. If they complain, don’t play the defense game of blaming them. Adult children can either marinate in what has been or write a positive script for what could be.
- I’m busy. Parents who lead active, fulfilling lives are not dependent on their children’s socialization. This reduces stress for those who feel responsible for their parents’ well-being.
- get a hint. Realize that your advice may not be wanted. When they mentally roll their eyes or say you have to leave and move on (to end the conversation). Sometimes all your child wants is a sensitive ear and someone who acknowledges their feelings. In that case, remove the cotton from your ear and put it in your mouth.
- clarify your needs. Recognize the difference between your need to be needed and your child’s need for your help.
- Don’t play the guilt card. Continuing to associate adult children with guilt increases distance and anger.
- lower expectations. Relationships with adult children can wax and wane over time. Some days are better than others. Don’t dwell on any negative words or events. Expectation is planned anger.
- Ask for forgiveness. No one is always kind, loving, and thoughtful. If you said something hurtful, admit it and apologize. be patient. It may take some time before you are forgiven. Please forgive me immediately.
Bea Lewis is a journalist and author living in Boynton Beach. She recently published “Her 101 Proven Tips for Getting Along with Adult Children, Their Spouses, and Other Aliens.” This book is available on her Amazon. Please contact us at beaclewis@gmail.com.
